Happy Belated Birthday Fenway Park

Happy Belated Birthday Fenway Park

I was talking to one of my readers, (I’m down to one) and they were surprised I didn’t talk about the 100^th anniversary of Fenway Park.  There’s a very good reason.  Those guys running the Red Sox gave me the high hat.

I wrote up some brilliant promotional ideas for their 100^th Anniversary and they didn’t use one of them.  I sent e-mails; I made phone calls but was told one excuse after another.  First “they were in a meeting”, next time “they just stepped away from their desk” and then “we’ve filed a harassment complaint with the Boston Police against you.  Please stop calling.”

So if you’re a Boston fan, here are some of the great promotions you’re missing out for Fenway’s 100^th birthday.

Long White Beard Night – Nothing screams 100 years old like a nice Rip Van Winkle beard.  Now imagine a whole stadium of long white beards.   That sounds like the greatest night ever.

Roll Back the Food Clock:  Every Tuesday home game, concession prices are what they were in 1912.  Nickel beer.  Dime hotdogs.  I think the fans would appreciate that.  We also make an announcement that fans should drink responsibly which will protect from any binge drinking death lawsuits.

Grudge Night:  Pedro – Don Zimmer rematch – I know some guys over at WWF and we can choreograph a match, we’ll make sure Pedro wins.  We also have a contest where a fan wins a chance to wrestle Bucky Dent.  I heard he’s hard up for money.  For the kids, get someone to dress up like the giant baseball that went through his legs and let Bill Buckner grab a bat, chase it around and beat the crap out of it.

President Taft Look-a-Like Contest – In 1912, William Taft was President and he was also a big fat guy.  So we have a look-a-like contest and choose the best 25.  I know what you’re saying, look-a-like contest are boring, but here’s the twist.  After the game the 25 guys are taken out to a field and they think they’re getting a prize, but they’re given fungo bats and they must fight until only one fat guy is standing.  If they refuse to fight we release a pack of German Shepherds onto the field.  The Fenway faithful will love this.

Father’s Day Promotion –  To help bring awareness to a disease that effects older gentlemen you have free Prostate exam.  Early detection is the key and most people don’t want to get this exam that’s why it will be mandatory for admission to the game. 

Note: Do thorough back-ground checks on people performing exams or at the very least make sure they’re doctors.

So when you go to Fenway this year and get stuck with a Bobby Valentine bobble-head, don't blame me.